Hierarchy.
There is a natural hierarchy that exists in nature–a natural order of things. There is a natural tendency for leaders to lead and followers to follow. We observe in most systems a pecking order. There are queen bees and worker bees. We speak of the food chain, wherein each species has a natural predator. There are also examples from government and business. When we talk about a corporate organizational structure we inevitably think in terms of hierarchy–the management and the managed. By virtue of strength, temperament, instinct, or sometimes conscious choice there emerges a dominant force that imposes itself on a less dominant force.
There exists the same tendency among gay men. We consider a man either a top or a bottom, a dom or a sub, a Sir or a boy, a Daddy or a son, a Master or a slave. Men tend to self-select based on a complex set of perceptions they hold about themselves, as well as those provided to them by others. But even when all the evidence is in, and all factors are considered, there is still a conscious choice a man must make: dom or sub. There are, and always will be, those men who claim to be true “switches.” They may fall into the same category with “bisexual” men. It’s fine to acknowedge the existence of tendencies toward dominance and submissiveness in the same man. In fact, it is quite possible for a man to be dominant over some men, yet be dominated by others–again, the concept of hierarchy.
While I’m couching this in terms of men involved in role-based leather/BDSM relationships, there are similar tendencies exhibited in men who consider themselves “vanilla.” The important point is that to a great extent men are “born” to be dominant or submissive.
I can validate much of that. While, I’m not much into roleplaying (or anything that comes off as scripted or premeditated), I am big into roles.
I can’t get into versatile sex…I have to be top or bottom and once that role is cast with a guy, it’s set with him, but not necessarily with others. Basically, someone’s gotta be in charge, selfish, or violator/predator.
Soma: True. It is all or nothing–a man should be either a selfish dom whose gratification is all that matters, or sub bitch boy whose ejaculation is irrelevant. There is no in-between. -LSB
This — the “born” aspect of dom or sub — is one of the great themes that can’t be written about enough. Maybe you are the one who will bring it into awareness in the gay world. “What swings between a man’s legs” really is destiny, for many of us. I’ve come to understand my bottom nature in fits and starts: Fought it at times, only to find myself helplessly prey to — and ultimately, most satisfied in serving — a “natural, born” top. I’d love to hear a top’s perspective on awakening to his dom nature, and how he came to under the “natural order of things”, which, yes, is rightly about HIS pleasure, HIS happiness, HIS needs.
UticaJoe,
You’ve raised an important question. It’s interesting to reflect on how a dom awakens to his true nature, and what he does in response to that awakening. What I find perverse about it is that on some level, a dom’s awareness of his true nature is partly the result of the responses he evokes in subs. All of us have a sense of what we are, but the confirmation comes when others respond to that. Subs seem to naturally sense a dom’s nature, and vice versa. When a sub exhibits respect and submission to a dom, it provides further evidence that the dom is following his true nature. This is really basic psychology—learn more about yourself through others.
LSB